Chucky’s Wild Ride

You know life is too serious when you can’t trust a stuffed pony anymore.

When I was little, I had a stick pony. I loved that pony. He was my best friend when there was no one else around to play with. We had the greatest adventures as my imagination transformed the back yard into the Wild West, quiet forests, and great expanse of wilderness that each outing required.

Unfortunately, kids today are not so lucky. Thanks to the Red Alert Level mentality of alarmists who see conspiracy and threats around every corner, stuffed ponies are now on the Watch List for dangerous activity.

A quote from the news:
Members of the Orange County Sheriff’s Office Bomb Squad blew up a 2-foot-high stuffed pony on Tuesday. Neighbors said the placement of the stuffed toy made it appear suspicious to them. The toy was found in a cul-de-sac next to a park near Waterbridge Elementary. “It just looked like it was placed in a really suspicious place,” resident Scott Kilwein said. After it was deemed suspicious, the police put the school on lock down, sent a robot to inspect the toy and then blew it up.

Thank whatever diety is handy they weren’t taking any chances. Dealing with stuffed animals is not child’s-play.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Police, in full hazmat suits, blew up a stuffed pony left near park, next to an elementary school. As it turns out, on Whisper Glen Court. How many more ominous clues do you need? There can’t possibly be any real, ordinary reason that a toy pony could be found in a place where children would frequent. The pony was obviously up to no good. According to one report, something strange was hanging from its neck. I reviewed the video several times, so I can accurately describe it: It’s called “mane.” All horses have it. Never realized before today how frightening that must be.

Somewhere in Orlando, little Suzy just got a hard lesson in taking care of her toys. Parenting tip for all: Show your kids the video, and tell them if they don’t put their stuff away, the bomb squad will do it for them. Ought to work way better than the “clean your plate because there are starving kids in (fill in third-world country)” line we used to get.

Authorities said the toy is called a FurReal Pony and requires batteries and wiring to give it lifelike sounds and movement. They’re probably pulling them off the shelves as we speak. Can’t have such a dangerous instrument in the hands of ordinary consumers. Who knows what they might do? Give them to children, who would play with them, unaware of the danger? Put in batteries and scare the cat? Wait… that’s a good idea. Gotta run to Walmart. BRB.

2 Fantastic Comments to “Chucky’s Wild Ride”

  • You can’t possibly be serious. LMAO I have no idea why but this made me laugh so hard. What kind of sick shit is this? Bhahaha thank you.

    Also, my ex boyfriend bought me a book for Christmas called “In My Humble Opinion” because he thought I had a lot to say. After the holiday season I didn’t really have too much to say except, It’s over.

  • Thanks! It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a sweet, heartfelt compliment like that. You made my day.

    Extra sweet – you’re a fan of @thebloggess too. Bonus!

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