Die, Spammer, Die

With the white hot fury of a thousand suns, I hate spammers with every fiber of my being.

I do everything I can to keep spam out of my inbox. I have anti-spam resources on my server. I regularly blacklist domains that are used to send spam. I keep my private email account private. Because not everyone who has my email address can be trusted to treat it as respectfully as I do theirs, my email address ends up on spammer lists when they  “Send to all my contacts” the latest chain mail, or put my email address in the TO: field to set out a cat picture to everyone they’ve spoken to in their entire life, or they add my contact information to an online database because they get Points.

Normally, I just quietly blacklist the latest offender, but when I got the following email from Maria Bartell at NetProspex, it made me a more than a little crazy.
spam

They want to send me emails to introduce me to special offers, industry events, or invite me to participate in customer surveys, but, “before we begin sending you emails,” they say, “I want to be certain that our emails are welcome. If you do not want to receive these types of emails in the future, click here:”

In other words, they’re going to send spam, and claim I opted in, because I didn’t opt-out. Gaaaahhhhh.

I’ve added them to my blacklist, so I won’t hear any more from them. However, I have a little message for them:

I shouldn’t have to opt-out of your spam. You should request people to opt-in. Of course, you’d do that, if you weren’t a spammer.

But, as a spammer, you don’t care what I think. Or what any of us really want.

A slow, lingering death that starts with searing pain like a hot poker in your most private parts and radiates to the ends of your toenails, as your hair falls out in fiery patches, taking with it your rotting  flesh bit by mouldering bit, until there’s nothing left but your maggot-ridden remains as you lie in a gutter, praying for the final exit as buzzards peck at your skull, and rats tear away at any damp bits left inside of you, is too good an end for spammers like you.

Should I receive another email from you, I will take it as a personal challenge to call upon all the dark forces of the earth and beyond to make your life on earth more dreadful than Hell itself.

Die, spammer, die.

Update 03/01/11: It appears I’m not alone in my hatred of spammers. Since writing this post, I’ve discovered many other blog posts on this same theme. Here are three. Enjoy.

http://onemansblog.com/2009/05/01/i-still-hate-spammers-die-spammers-die/ – Explains why spam is such an expensive problem

http://www.soft.tahionic.com/download-die_spammer_die/anti-spam.html – Love their anti-spam tool!

http://highscalability.com/scaling-spam-eradication-using-purposeful-games-die-spammer-die

Spam is big business, and it costs all of us more money in hosting fees, management fees, and even internet connection fees because of the extreme load spam places on all servers. Spammers are the lowest of the low. They steal from us all.

8 Fantastic Comments to “Die, Spammer, Die”

  • Permission to use your insults in real life? Hahahaha, so funny!

  • Absolutely! I’d be honored.

  • Katie - NetProspex:

    Hi Barbara, I noticed your post over the weekend, and did some research internally.

    NetProspex actually did not originate the email posted above. Could you forward us a copy so we can investigate?

    My email is: kmartell@netprospex.com

    Thanks for your help!

    Best,
    Katie

  • I wondered why I was getting so much spam to the address I don’t give out publicly, and now I know. It because of you, and other sites like yours.

    What I really hate about services like yours is that you are selling/trading my private email without my consent. This is evidenced by this content on your site:

    1. “NetProspex is a directory of user-contributed business contacts…”
    2. “Quickly find, view and download business contacts including phone and email addresses.”
    3. “Sales and marketing professionals upload business contacts in exchange for new prospects.”

    My personal email address is not published by me anywhere on the web, so someone else added me to your database without asking my permission. I didn’t opt-in to your list, however, you’re knowingly selling/trading my information to people who will spam me. Yes, spam, because I did not opt-in to their advertising emails.

    I hope others who see your email address here (which you posted of your own accord) will give it the same respect you give mine.

    For the record (or cassette, CD or 8-track tape): Your declaration of innocence on this particular email DOES NOT in any way change my opinion of spammers. Just saying.

  • I hate spammers too and I love your slow lingering death, quite appropriate. I manage to filter them pretty well in my email but on my blog they still slip through like the slimy little buggers they are by actually commenting about my post. I don’t know when they started this practice but it makes it much harder to spot them.
    Jen´s last post ..Charlie Sheen on Mission to Bring Back Favorite Catchwords from the 80s

  • I got spam from someone today and responded with the “Die, Spammer, Die” tirade, and she was “shocked.” She said she got my business card “at an event somewhere.” Yeah, that’s an affirmative opt-in to her newsletter.

  • Jim:

    Got the same email and hundreds more from them. Netprospex is a disgraceful company, Reed Business is a disgraceful company. They are just pathetic low forms of life. Spamming losers. They are people that can’t do any better in life so they sink to the level of a gutter dwelling spammer. Everytime you see netprospex, forward to your attorney general and FTC. They are scum that forms in the corners of scummy peoples mouth.

  • Don’t hold back. How do you really feel?

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