Tag Archives: chocolate

Eating food is bad for you

AOL published this scary post to their Lifestyle section last month: 

Oh My God. Yet another food that is going to kill us. Because we’ve been doing it all wrong!

Instead of merely cooking rice, they propose we go through a multi-step process to wash away all the deadly arsenic that shows up naturally in the rice. Once the final rinse is done, a product that is pretty flavorless in the first place is guaranteed to be something no one would enjoy eating.  And what about all those vitamins the rice is fortified with? They’re washed away, too, so you’re left with tiny bits of nothing that have no nutritional value. Tasty.

Practically everything a human can consume has been touted as dangerous. In fact, the perfectly lovely chocolate, which never harmed me a day in my life, is not only dangerous, but according to Stephanie Relfe B.Sc. (Sydney), in her post, The Great Dangers of Chocolate,  it could keep me from ever having a loving relationship. In other words, stop eating chocolate right now, or you will die alone.

  • Foods I consume that have been labeled as dangerous or deadly include:
    Rice. Not so good on its own, but a great vehicle for other lovely and delicious things, like Kung Pao.
  • Butter. Butter on toast, on baked potatoes, on other things that are just darned better with butter, like eggs, which could also kill me.
  • Cake. Especially chocolate cake. Yummmmmmmmmmmm Chocolate.
  • Pasta. Spaghetti, macaroni and cheese. With parmesan cheese on top.
  • Cheese. Havarti, cheddar, mozzarella, mascarpone, brie, sliced, shredded, big hunks and perfectly square cubes.
  • Pizza. Artisan pizza with lots of cheese, Red Baron, home made, stuff from the guy around the corner. Pizza is life.
  • Cookies. Chewy circles and squares of goodness with chocolate chips, soft puffy clouds of vanilla, lemon bars that make my mouth water. The world would be a sad place if cookies didn’t exist.
  • Potatoes. Baked and served with butter and sour cream, French fried, waffle cut, tater tots. Tots! So crispy and warm, dipped in ranch dressing or catsup.
  • Chips. Have you tried Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream chips? You haven’t lived until you try them. And BBQ chips. For two years, I had BBQ chips and Diet Coke for breakfast, and I’m still alive.
  • Ice cream. The food of the gods. Especially chocolate fudge with brownie bits and hot fudge sauce. With an artificially colored and enhanced cherry on top.
  • Whipped cream out of a can. On the previously mentioned chocolaty goodness, and of course, straight from the nozzle into my gaping maw.
  • And so much more. BRB. There’s a cookie with my name on it.

I could listen to all the people telling me how bad everything is, and die from the stress of worrying about each bite I take, or just enjoy life for the fleeting moments I get to live this time around.

We’re all going to die. It’s not as important how you die, as how you live. I choose to live a vibrant, lively, dangerous life full of bad decisions and questionable choices. That way, when I reach my final hours, I won’t lament about giving up so much in order to prolong my life, that I never lived at all.

This is a damned good cookie.

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Chocolate! (I’ll beta test this anytime)

If you have not been to Roberta’s Chocolates, you are missing the best chocolate you have ever tasted. I was there yesterday, and she stuffed me full of her handmade truffles. They are the absolute best treat. In addition to the usual flavors: fudge, cherry, coconut, mint, irish cream, etc., she has a bunch of new ones she’s developed. Like what? Think: hazelnut, with just the right hint of nut mixed into the densest chocolate you can imagine. Yum. And banana cream pie enrobed in milk chocolate. It tasted exactly like my grandma just pulled a banana cream pie of the Norge and lightly drizzled it with milk chocolate. I wanted to bury my face in it. And then Roberta gave me a pineapple one they just finished. Oh. My. God. It was like I was sitting on a Hawaiian beach, and a native plucked a pineapple from the tree, whacked a chunk off with his machete, and handed it to me, dripping with juice. Times 100. You have to try it.

If you don’t try Roberta’s Chocolates, your life will be empty, devoid of purpose or reason.
Call her: 303-824-2069. Go to her shop: 4840 West 29th Ave., Denver CO 80212, or head to her website: http://robertaschocolates.com/